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Sunday, March 11, 2012

My feet

I have ugly feet. My husband also thinks I have ugly feet. I asked him if they were cute-ugly, like a pug."No. Not cute-ugly like a pug. Just ugly. But you know that." was his response. He's right. I do know it. I've always known it. It all started when I was a baby and the doctor told my mom that my toes weren't growing right and they had to break my baby feet and put me in baby casts. My feet got better, but not best. Since then...I walked pigeon-toed. I had to train myself not to by my left foot still veers inwards when I'm really tired. My heels are too narrow and my ankles are too skinny (I know...world's smaller violins are playing) and look weird next to my toe bed that is too wide.I've got a big toe that is so big that it looks like a thumb. And just three toes later, I have a baby toe thats so small it doesn't touch the ground when I'm standing up. My chiropractor told me that my arches are so low that my feet are pretty much flat but because of the weird way my toes are formed, when my feet aren't on the ground, it looks like my arch is so high that I appear to be wearing invisible high heels. All this has had made buying shoes near impossible. They are either too short but narrow enough or long enough but way too wide. But where there's a will there's a way and I manage to amass quite a collection. I think the reason I love shoes so much is because they make my ugly feet look pretty. But. It seems that the more pretty shoes I buy, the uglier my feet get. It's like I'm the Dorian Gray of feet. My high, tight heels make them appear red and lined and swollen at the end of the day. The lack of humidity all winter long makes them look and feel dry and rough. And I dont even want to tell you what running does to them. But I will. Because of the way my toes go up every time my foot steps down, I think I have had more black nails, cracked nails, and nails that fall off for every long race I've run. And the part that sucks is that while it takes my body mere days to recover (usually), it takes months for my toes to recover. And since I've already signed up for 3 races this year, things are not looking up for my tootsies.
Regardless of all that I love my feet. I really do. In all of their ugliness. Women are told to love their bodies, no matter what shape they are. I'm trying...but it's hard. One day, I hope I can say (and truly believe) that my body is perfect just the way it is. So far, my feet are the only body part I can say that about.(well, I also love my wrists but they're really just a subsection of my arms so they don't count) I will continue to buy them beautiful shoes and get them pedicured, and make my husband massage them. No matter how ugly they are.

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