Thursday, December 15, 2011

Post #3: The tearjerker

It was almost exactly one year ago that I wrote this post as part of my pre-New Years' resolutions.  I re-read it recently and upon reflection, am pretty proud of myself.  I really think I have been a lot kinder  and loved more this year and in turn, the universe has been a lot kinder and loved me back.

The past year has been one of the most trying years of my life: my father passed away, my other father had a close-call, my mom had serious health issues, my son had a terrible mental health scare, and my baby sister continued to struggle with her demons.  All of this worrying took its toll on me mentally and physically.  I lost a lot of the strength and stamina for some of the things I love to do, like running and reading.  I am sure you have noticed that I mentioned those two a lot less than I used to.  Now you know why.  To sum it up, there wasn't a corner of my world without a dark shadow.  And yet, I saw light.

How is it possible at after was was the worse year of my life, I am happier than ever before?

I'm not sure how it happened but somehow the universe helped me get through it all…and end up stronger and happier in the process. I am closer to my family and friends, in an authentic loving way. I have found success in writing, a dream that I never thought would be a reality, and I am learning to accept that I don't have to be perfect.  I am getting older; I need glasses now and have a few more wrinkles and all that is ok.

Last night I went to watch my niece, Hope, perform as Toto in her school's production of Wizard of Oz.  I am not sure why I thought of it, but as she raised her little paw during the final Somewhere Over the Rainbow, I found myself thinking about Hope as a baby and all that she had gone through, an ordeal I have written about before.  I started thinking about Hope and the lyrics of the song and how, despite everything, "dreams that you dare to dream really do come true."

When Hope was sick, I remember telling my sister, Sari, about a bad day I was having.  I stopped myself when I said it was the worst day ever because, as I explained to her, it couldn't possibly compare to her worst day.  Her response was very wise:

"Yes it can.  My worst day might be different than your worst day, but the fact that they both feel like its a worst day is the same. And both are valid."

Ok.  So I'm not exactly sure she used the world valid, but the gist was the same.  

Why am I telling you all this?  Because as I was watching Hope last night,  I was thinking about how not only are we both survivors, but we are both stronger and better people for it.  And I think a lot of that can be attributed to the kindness and love that lives within us and the world.

When I was wrote this in my head, I pictured ending it with a video clip of Destiny Child's song,  Suvivor, but when I was searching it on You Tube, I found this instead.  I think that it suits this post even more than my original idea.  What do you think?

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