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Friday, July 1, 2011

Sorry I haven't written for a while...

...but then again, neither has Shakespeare.  And you still like him, right?

It's just that for a little while, I ran out of words.  I ran out of words to say, to teach, to read, to write.  I ran out of the energy to run, the patience to read, and the appetite to cook, or even eat, really.  It's not that I was depressed or anything, quite the opposite, in fact.  Its just that I was done. Overwhelmed.  Burned out.  Satisfied. Full.  My husband reminded me that this happens to me every year, as he reminds me every year ,when I start to complain in early June that I am burned out.  "You'll get through it." he says.  And I do.  But just like how a 5k run one day can seem 1000 times harder than the day before, this year seemed tortuously long and tiring and the final sprint seemed like it was all uphill and it felt like I'd never reach the finish line.  Yesterday, I crossed the finish line: the last day of school.

When you are a kid, your year starts in September and ends in June.  And when you are a teacher, your year starts in September and ends in June.  And July and August are these wonderful months of blissful nothingness when you can step out of your regular life for a little while.  Since I have been either a student or teacher for 28 of my 37 years,  this pattern is pretty much all that I know and all that I want to know.

Why?

Because its the time when I can go see a matinee on a Wednesday afternoon and not worry that I am missing out on a beautiful sunny day because Thursday is supposed to be beautiful and sunny, too and I have nothing to do then, either.  It the time when I can go running for as long as I want or spend hours at the farmer's market dreaming up divine dinners that I can eat at whatever time I want.  Its the time that I get to go on the trip of a lifetime with the love of my life and appreciate where I am going and not just feeling relief from what I am leaving behind.

And this morning, it meant that I could wake up at 7 not because I had to, but because I just did. I didn't feel tired.  I didn't feel stressed.  In fact, for the first time in a long time, I felt awake.

And as I sat on a chair in my back yard, sipping my coffee and watching the tiny little bees buzz around my vegetable garden, still covered in morning dew, and felt the cool morning air that was already being cut by the approaching hot summer day, my words came back.

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